The Myth of the “Grateful Immigrant”: Why Integration Should Be Mutual

When people move to a new country, gratitude often becomes the first emotion expected of

them. “You must be so grateful to be here,” people say, and in many ways, they’re right.

Opportunities for education, safety, or stability are things to be thankful for. But over time, I

began to realize that the idea of gratitude can also carry quiet expectations: to adapt quickly,

to stay positive, and to remain thankful, even when facing loneliness, misunderstanding, or

exclusion.

I’ve noticed that the phrase “grateful immigrant” often hides a power imbalance. Gratitude is

beautiful when it’s sincere and mutual, but it becomes uncomfortable when it’s used to

silence. Immigrants are sometimes expected to prove that they deserve their place in society

by working harder, complaining less, or never criticising their new home. When they speak

up about unfair treatment or cultural barriers, they risk being seen as ungrateful. The problem

isn’t gratitude itself, it’s when gratitude replaces equality. Integration, in reality, should never

be a one-sided process. Newcomers have a role to play in learning the language, adapting to

customs, and engaging with local life, but host communities also have responsibilities. Real

inclusion happens when both sides meet halfway. When locals take the time to listen, to ask

questions rather than make assumptions, and to celebrate difference instead of tolerating it, a

sense of shared belonging grows.

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned as an international student is that “belonging”

is not something that can be given, it’s something that’s built together. It takes patience,

curiosity, and a willingness to see value in unfamiliar experiences. When a community

recognizes that newcomers bring not just needs but knowledge, creativity, and resilience,

integration becomes mutual enrichment rather than silent assimilation. This shift in mindset

doesn’t require large-scale policy changes, it can start with small gestures. Inviting someone

new to join a conversation, learning to pronounce their name correctly, or showing interest in

their story, these are quiet acts of inclusion that help people feel seen. They remind us that

integration isn’t a checklist of responsibilities; it’s a relationship.

Gratitude, in its healthiest form, should flow both ways. Immigrants can feel thankful for

opportunities and kindness, while host communities can feel grateful for the diversity and

new perspectives that migrants bring. When we move beyond the myth of the “grateful

immigrant,” we make space for something deeper: a sense of shared humanity that belongs to

everyone.